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I turn 25 this year, and my life is the complete opposite of how it was supposed to look at this point. Everything I knew, everything I had, everything I had dreamt about, just suddenly gone one day. 

I still have no idea what I am doing, but I do feel that I am functioning better than I did for a very long time. I truly felt like my world was ending, and I was an outsider watching my life fall apart around me. I think you can never prepare for it to happen. Whatever the circumstances are, you can never truly prepare for that, nor do we ever think about it really, so when it happens, and everything collapses, it completely and utterly floors you.  Most people have experienced anxiety and depression before, but this is next level, its grieving someone who is still alive, and that’s a very strange feeling to navigate.

I was planning a wedding, planning my future home, how we would raise our children, and it just ended. I think we knew for a while that maybe we weren’t the perfect people for each other, but we still had incredible amounts of love for one another, and we clung on to that. Still to this day, I do not have a bad word to say about him, he taught me everything I know about life, love, and the world, and I couldn’t be more grateful for getting to spend so many years with such a wonderful person. That said, sometimes you can know that you have grown all you can together, and something needs to change.

Nevertheless, here we are. I’m twenty five this year, and everything is different. Don’t get me wrong, I spent days in ed, months crying, not eating, not sleeping, and grieving someone, and a future. But I accept, that had this not happened, I would never have grown as a person, I would never have been forced to better myself, and really discover who I was. The problem is now, I fear I may want too much. Not physical items, but experiences and feelings.

To name a few

• Travel central America
• Climb Mount Everest
• Live in a city
• Lose the social anxiety
• Meet new friends / people
• Travel through asia
• Skydive
• Solo travel
• Write a book

Now this list I have been working on since 2025, however we are two months in to 2026 and I’m still yet to tick anything off. However, I have made progress lets say.

I have a solo / solo group trip, planned and paying off for November this year – slightly panicking about the financial side, but there we go, its something that I booked on a whim when I bored on my lunch break at work, and I’m too far in now to cancel it, so I have faith in myself to make this work.

Regarding living in a city, NYC the dream, but being more realistic, London, but being achievable, Liverpool. Truly, I hope one day I can stay in NYC for a fw months and experience the NYC lifestyle, however for now, Liverpool will suffice. I have never visited the city, nor have I even been close, however, I have used the mostly wonderful resource, that is social media, and I think I’m excited. I am hoping to drop everything and go I the next few months, find a little flat, and get stuck into to city life. I do not have a job secured, nor do I know anyone in the area, but I am exited for a fresh start. The thought of leaving my family is awful, and if I could take them with me, I really would. I have stagnant and stuck for so long, in the same town, same job, same everything for over five years now, and if I don’t just do it on a whim, I wont ever do it. I am excited to meet new people, and have new experiences, be able to try new things that don’t exist where I currently live.

Everest, is a dream, and when speaking with my boss, I have decided to start with Snowdon.

I will also admit, I have started writing a book. Several actually. Although unfortunately the fantastic ideas I have in my head for these books; when I put pen to paper, its barely two pages. So I am working on that.

This year, I think is going to be the turning point in my life. I have decided to take the approach of, what is the worst case scenario, and what have I got to lose. If all fails in Liverpool, I come home, re jig, and try something else. If my book fails, okay, I write another one. If I make no friends, clearly something is wrong me with me, but truly those things are my priorities. Exploring life, adventures, re structuring my days and my life so that I am living for me. Genuinely, I am excited for the future, and what I can do.

My problem is patience. Everything I want, I want it now. I don’t like waiting, I don’t like being patient. I have an idea for an adventure, or a dream, and I want it now. Then when I don’t get it now, I lose all of the good mood, and by the end of the day, the motivation and excitement is gone. Its then a repeated cycle everyday. I Have spent so many months now, working on myself, my mind, and the way I deal with situations and manage my mental health, that I feel like a different person now. I can fully accept my responsibility and parts that I played in situations in my life, and I have control over my feelings and how these are communicated.

I do feel so unbelievably good about this year,  in every aspect, aside from financially. From I believe its going to work, it has to, because I have no other choice. I am determined, and I’m ready to progress sin my life, and I hope that as time goes on, I can watch myself achieve, and see the person whom I develop into. So, with all of this said, my life is starting again, from scratch, with all the lessons I have learned and lived, but we are beginning again.

And lastly, if anyone else is also at this point in life, where everything feels like its too much, and the walls are caving in, PLEASE, just trust in something, because I promise you, everything will be okay,